Thrown game revealed

I read Mr Raymond "Once we taught China" Siew that there was a thrown game at the recent Nationals. He fails to reveal any names but confirmed that this player has previous "questionable practices".

"Questionable practices"? This brought my mind immediately to Mark Siew's previous cheating scandal in 2011. Then I remembered his round eight game. Let me describe this game.

Mark had queen and knight hounding his opponent's king on h1 with mate imminent. After long thought, his opponent desperately played the h-pawn to h4 to get some breathing space for his king. Now instead of mating, Mark captured this pawn thus allowing his opponent some breathing space and time. Mark's position was still so strong that a few moves later he had to win a piece. Furthermore, the opponent's king is now chased to the centre of the board. With Q+R+N against a naked king, it is quite impossible not to mate. But what happened next?

Mark gave back the knight for nothing. In fact, he played a move that forced his opponent to capture the knight (only move). Then he forced the exchange of the remaining pieces into a lost pawn ending for him. This gift propelled his opponent to the top boards in the last round.

All this is on record and many players were watching this game. The circumstantial evidence is just too over-whelming. It is clear MCF should investigate this incident. Thanks for highlighting this, Raymond.

Email exchange with YCS

Sharing an amusing joke.

There is a Chinese saying 扮豬食老虎  literally translate as "pretend to be pig, eat tiger".
 
My layman explanation of this saying - someone who is clever pretending to be dumb to lower the enemy's guard.

So, as the first round of HDBank Open began, I asked Yeoh Chin Seng this question

Is Li Tian still using the "pretend to be pig and eat the tiger" strategy in HD Bank :) 

Chin Seng's witty reply

No,  strategy has changed:

before the game start:

a. give opponent a humble smile

b. write fat figure on his score sheet

c. give a piece of bent nail as souvenir

d. let opponent accidentally see your gangster tattoo slip out from sleeve

e. and never ever let them know you are not even MAS top 6 Jr.

If you have been reading somebody's poison blog, you will get the joke :)  

Kudos to YCS, despite the constant attacks against him and his son by the mad one, still managed to retain his sense of humor. 

I am an official mind coach

The 32nd Astro Rapid Team Championship is about to start shortly at the Cititel Hotel Ballroom in Mid-Valley City Mall.

I have been appointed mind coach to the Fool Gone Mad team. Apparently anyone can be a mind coach as no qualifications or experience is required. You can even proclaim yourself to be one and be the mind coach of the (unwilling) masses. However it is preferred that you be appointed as one by a team as in my case. A properly appointed mind coach is better than a self-appointed one,  but whatever floats your boat :)


I will be unable to join my team today and tomorrow. But my mind coach mind (???) tells me it is not necessary to be present physically. The Fool Gone Mad team comprises Peter Long, Zaidan, Zhuo Ren, Sumant and - since I can also play chess - me.

The strongest Malaysian chessplayer

Friday , Friday. For some, its the day to hit the pub , for some it is party time. But before that you need to loosen up so here is a joke to help you do just that.


Since not everyone will get this joke so apologies in advance to those who do not understand it - Chinese Hokkien people will sure understand :). Oh, and apologies too to my Singaporean friends :)


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At one Miss Universe contest, the three finalists are Miss America, Miss Australia, and Miss Singapore.

Chess "scene" through memes

Training of a Junior - Another perspective

Capablanca against a Martian

It is Friday again and time for some light-hearted article.

I found the following story at a site called Cyberprimo. It is an excellent story - some swear it is true  - but whatever the truth , it is too good not to share it. I took some liberties to translate it as the original story appeared in Spanish.

Capablanca was probably the greatest natural genius in chess  history, his style of play and way of life was very inspiring, so much so that the generations of today will continue to have a lot of admiration and respect, not to mention that we enjoyed many of the stories written in his memory, some as varied as this.

Difference between men and women

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . . kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
 
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job.  Take your wife and go home.'
 
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room.  All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'  The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
 
Finally, it was the woman's turn.  She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.  She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another.  They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.  The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said.  'I had to beat him to death with the f**king chair.'
 
MORAL of the story:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them :)

Lists - 10 Dangerous Moments in Chess

I found this list compiled by Edmund Wee Beronio.

01.) There has been a change in the pawn structure. Your opponent has 8 and you don't have any.

02.) Your opponent begins to throw pawns at your eyes.

03.) You have a position won but your opponent has a gun.

04.) The arbiter tells you not to bother turning in your scoresheet after the game.

05.) Before the game begins you notice your opponent first initials are 'GM'.

06.) After completing your development, you sense your opponent playing the endgame.

07.) Just as you make your opening move your opponent announces mate in 11.

08.) You don't control any squares at all.

09.) Your draw offer sends all the people watching your game into uncontrollable laughter.

10.) Your opponent has 3 bishops.

Chess and Hitler

What does Malaysian Chess Festival and Hitler have in common? Or the forthcoming World Championship title match in Chennai, India? You need to watch the following video to the end to find out.

Plug in your speakers or earphone before playing the video for a better experience. You can also view the video on YouTube if the video here loads too slowly.

Chuck Norris and Chess

I read this chess joke and found many other Chuck Norris jokes for example

• When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
• Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
• Chuck Norris can count to infinity
• At night the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris
• God said "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris said "Say Please"
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger (a Chuck Norris film), it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

This is really fertile ground for a lot of fun and I spent an hour coming up with a few of my own jokes :).

Since this is a chess blog , let's start with the chess one first



Its not true that the inventor of Chess is unknown. Chess was created by Chuck Norris when he roundhouse kicked a tree into little pieces. Those pieces are now known as King, Queen, Rook.....

From this

To this

Thanks to this man

Chuck Norris's watch does not tell time. Chuck Norris tells the watch what he wants the time to be.

Chuck Norris got into an elevator and the door remained open. The elevator knows shutting the door in Chuck Norris's face is sheer suicide.

Chuck Norris entered the House of Horrors and came out laughing. The only thing that can scare Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

That  picture of Chuck Norris is not really Chuck Norris because everyone who has seen the real Chuck Norris has been roundhouse kicked to death.

Top ten chess training tips and advice

Some astounding tips and advice , mostly directed towards juniors , that I picked up surfing various chess sites ( OK, wipe that stupid grin off your face. We all know it is only one site.)


Disclaimers
-  None of  the below advice represents the views of ChessisChess.
- I cannot be held responsible for your success or failure as a result of following the content below.
- Reading this article does not automatically make you my "student"
- The contents below are hazardous to the health of readers without a sense of humour.

If you agree to the above disclaimers or even if you do not agree, then move on to ...

TOP TEN BEST TRAINING TIPS AND ADVICE (EVER)

#1 You are not born with chess playing skills. It has to be learnt.


#2  I cannot help you if I do not know who you are playing with next.


#3 If you win a game, it does not mean you will win the tournament.


#4 Never go to a game without any opening preparation.


#5 Knowing who is your next opponent will greatly help you to prepare for him.


#6 Do not tie one of your hand behind your back. You need both hands to play properly


#7 Our IMs are only 2200 players and declining fast. You can beat them. Eventually.


#8  Chess is a mind game. If you believe you can win, you will win. Time to sell all those chess books and CDs you mistakenly bought.


#9 Time management is only important when you are down to your 30 seconds increment.


#10 After beating the grandmaster do not lose to the lowest seed. You still get only one point from both. Now if you beat both you get two points. Is that clear?

My joke

Many years ago,I used to think up jokes about chess. Alas,I never wrote them down and they are now lost forever.

In the late 1970s I was visiting Singapore with some friends. I was told this joke.

Question: What is Singapore's national bird?

I never knew Singapore had anything like a national bird. So in my ignorance I asked for the answer.

Answer: The crane

The inside joke was that Singapore was developing tremendously. Everywhere new buildings were being built and at the very top of every building in progress there sits a crane....

This inspired my own joke

Question: What is Malaysia's favourite sport?

Scroll down for the answer....











Answer: Shooting messengers

Now how did the phrase "shooting the messenger" originate? In days of old and during times of war, when one side wished to communicate with the other side, they would send a message by hand using - you guessed it - a human messenger (email was not available yet). The messenger would bring back the reply.

A messenger job is not the most healthy one. Although the job of the messenger is merely a conduit for the message, if the recipient did not like the message, he might not give a reply instead he might kill the messenger. I guess that is also a form of reply to the sender :)

There is nothing wrong with anonymous blogs. What is more important is their message. Even if you do not like the message, don't shoot the messenger.

10 techniques to become an expert (in almost anything)

I learned these ten techniques from careful study and reading. Now I am an expert in almost anything. Let me see, how about the game of bridge?. I can teach those old codgers a thing or two. I don't think there is any such blog yet so it is to my advantage. I can present myself as a "messiah" or "saviour" to the game of bridge. After all there are no world class Malaysian bridge players - I think. I will show what great insights I have, to bring backgammon  I mean , bridge to the next level. It does not matter that I know nothing about bridge. Wait, I know it is played with cards and there are fifty-two cards in a deck. Besides I  am pretty good in chess so I can apply that to bridge. Right?

So without further ado, let me present here the ten techniques. Once you have mastered these ten techniques, you too can be an expert on anything. First create a new blog and give it a fanciful name. Blogs are the in thing nowadays.

#1
Use lots of cliché in your posting. They dont mean anything anyway and it makes others feel you are superior to them. Some good examples -  dont drop the ball, join the dots, shut out the noise.

#2
As much as possible, write everything with a question mark. That way you hide your ignorance. I cannot emphasize enough on how powerful this technique is. Especially when you formulate it in such a way that there are no correct answers. It makes your readers think you know something. Try writing a complete paragraph using questions only.

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody saw it , does it make a sound? Did the tree even fall? Was there a tree in the first place? See how I combine this technique and #6  #1?

#3
Ignore what others say, especially if it is logical and makes sense. Logic will shatter the messiah image you are trying to portray. Also ignore anything that contradicts you.

#4 
If #3 don't work, then deflect attention from the issue. You can use #2 and #5 to do this or preferably combine them together. If you can do this, it means you have truly mastered the art of being an expert.

#5
You will find there are two groups of people - those who agree with you and those who disagree.  Call the latter group naysayers and use as negative a description you can think of and smear them with it whenever you have the opportunity. Some suggestions that can be used - poisonous snakes, broken men, bitter , demoralised , cowards, belligerent. You get the idea.

#6
Never admit you are wrong. Even when you know you are. It is a sign of weakness and will affect your image as an expert negatively. If this does not work then claim that the naysayers are deliberately pointing out your mistakes. By mixing truth and lies you confuse your audience and they might even forget you made a mistake.

#7
After every three posts, make some wild and unsubstantiated claims to get some reaction. If other people are not talking about you , you are history. Every public relations guy knows this. There is no such thing as bad publicity. You just need thicker skin.

#8
Create the impression that the naysayers are critising/attacking another group. This deflects from the fact that they are actually only critizing you. An added advantage is that you can gain sympathy by pretending you are defending this group. Some examples - "women and children", "juniors". Use your imagination.


#9
Everything is connected. Apply whatever knowledge you have from other fields to the situation in hand. For example, castling is always important in chess so tell the bridge players to protect their king ,for example  "keep the kings low". If it actually makes some sort of weird sense to them, then that is an added bonus.

#10
The last one but the most important.

"Never let the truth get in the way"

Chess playing robot

Not a robot as we usually think of it. But a robot arm that can move the pieces and even press the clock. It is probably linked to a chess playing software , the mechanical arm is really just programmed to do just that - mechanical action. There is no real intelligence there. My guess is that there is a software that interprets the input from the chess program and sends the appropriate signal to the robotic arm.

Actually this is nothing new, robotic mechanisms like this can be found in any modern factory. The novelty is in introducing it into the chess setting. For some reason I found the movements very amusing especially when the robot presses the clock!

Notice in the video how Kramnik tries to fool the program. He moves his a7 pawn in between a7 and a6. Maybe it is pawn to a6.5. That really froze the program :)

I can imagine the robot reprimanding its opponent somewhere in its circuitry :)

At another point, Kramnik extends his hand and offers a draw only to quickly retract - his hand that is. You do not want to get in the way when that giant arm swings into action.

Watch the video here Kramnik versus robot arm

And if that is not enough to give you the shivers, here is the robot giving a simultaneous display robotic simul